My most recent moments of self doubt and anxiety have been caused in part by how old I am. It’s been three years since I first went to the University of Victoria. Had I stuck with my original plan I’d be finishing a degree this summer. Instead I quit. I felt too much pressure, stopped going to one of my classes and failed a final. This is the first time I’ve ever admitted that publicly. I’ve been so afraid to go back after what happened that I’ve just been coasting through, riding off my parents coattails. I keep telling myself it’s okay because I’m working, but if my family decided to kick me out I wouldn’t be able to afford the price of rent and food. I’m twenty years old now and I’m still reliant on others. You would think by now that I would be able to have my own standing in the world, or at least be better known in my career as a photographer but one of the reasons I started the 365 is because I wasn’t getting any work from that career. No one seems to want me for the one thing I’m good at and it hurts.
#76 A Terrible Terrible
I went to the Vancouver Art Galley today. An exhibit entitled A Terrible Beauty was showcasing one of my favourite photographers, Edward Burtynsky. His use of large scale landscapes, deadpan scenes and subtle hints of human presence is incredible. In tribute I decided to try and create my own Burtynsky inspired shot. It’s not exactly great, but it has me inspired to try it again.
Summary of how I’ve been feeling recently.
#72 Data Cloud
"It [washed] the highlights out of [his] hair!" - Young Neil, paraphrased.
#70 Forest Dance // vi
Trapped, closed in, fight back, or sleep.
#69 Forest Dance // v
Tethers, tendrils, eating, consuming.
#67 Forest Dance // iii
Ink, living, crawling, eating.
#66 Forest Dance // ii
Reflections, fake, not real, real.
#65 Forest Dance // i
Perceptions of reality, dreams of reality. The reality of dreams.